There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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