You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
