Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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