Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
