drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
