can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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