He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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