in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my shit smells like andre
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
