turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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