Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
