She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
