Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
