fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
