soooo we both peed the bed last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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