I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
