My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
