I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
