i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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