not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
