how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
