The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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