Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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