I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
