apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
