so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
