Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
