oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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