I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
