I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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