woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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