I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
