My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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