I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
