Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
