the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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