his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
