Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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