R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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