I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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