She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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