I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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