Betty ford says i'm here all night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
