she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.