let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great