Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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