Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea