it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
