i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
