this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
