I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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