he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
