hell yes lets make some ravioli
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
