Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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