sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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