thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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