Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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