Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
