for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
