Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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