I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
