; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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