I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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